“I don’t care if Monday’s blue
Tuesday’s grey and Wednesday too
Thursday I don’t care about you
It’s Friday, I’m in love

Monday, you can hold your head
Tuesday, Wednesday stay in bed
Or Thursday – watch the walls instead
It’s Friday, I’m in love”

Himalayan trekking permit issued by His Majesty’s Government to, me actually.

The prosecutor turned and started prosecuting me
Man, that cat gave me the third degree
He says “Where were you on the night of June 29?”
I said “I was home in bed” and he said “Judge this man is lyin’ “

http://bluntcard.com/

May the 4th be with you….

"Sir Clement Freud, who has died aged 84, was perhaps best known for his deadpan performances on Just A Minute, BBC Radio 4’s comedy panel programme.

Here is one of his best known jokes…

"The Inland Revenue decide to audit Cyril, summon him to their office for an appointment with their most thorough auditor, who is not surprised when Cyril arrives with his solicitor. The auditor says: ‘Sir, you cannot deny that you have an extravagant lifestyle, no full-time employment, and pay no taxes on the grounds of your contention that you win money gambling. I have to tell you that Her Majesty’s Customs and Excise finds that explanation difficult to believe.’

"’I am a great gambler and can prove it,’ says Cyril. ‘Would you like a demonstration?’

"The auditor considers this for a moment and agrees. Cyril says: ‘I bet you a thousand pounds I can bite my own eye.’ The auditor thinks for a while, finally says: ‘It’s a bet.’

"Cyril removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor looks sick.

"’I’ll bet you two thousand pounds that I can bite my other eye,’ says Cyril. The auditor can tell Cyril isn’t blind, so he accepts the bet. Cyril removes his false teeth and bites the good eye.

"The stunned auditor now realises he has bet and lost £3,000, with Cyril’s solicitor as a witness; he gets very nervous. ‘Double or nothing?’ Cyril says. ‘I’ll bet you six thousand pounds that I can stand on the righthand side of your desk and piss into the bin on the far side without getting one drop anywhere between.’

"The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now but examines the proposal carefully. Cyril is not a tall man, the desk is eight foot wide; he decides there is simply no way Cyril could do that, so he agrees again.

"Cyril stands at the side of the desk, unzips his trousers, strains for all he is worth but cannot make the stream reach the bin on the far side, and finishes up having urinated pretty well all over the auditor’s desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realising that he has just turned a major loss into a sizeable win, then notices that Cyril’s solicitor is moaning, with his head in his hands. ‘Are you okay?’ asks the auditor.

"’Not really,’ says the solicitor. ‘This morning, when Cyril told me he had been summoned to this audit, he bet me £20,000 that he could come in here, piss all over your desk and you would be happy about it . . . and I took the bet.’"

/http://www.mrs-trellis.co.uk/error.html” rel=”nofollow”> http://www.mrs-trellis.co.uk/

From this site you can play Mornington crescent, naturally, but be aware that the Pauli-Braithwaite Northern-line exclusion principle may be in play…

Uncle Nolli’s patented Astro-Feng-Shui-Tarot presents:

Sagittarius: 23 November-21 December:
Confusion tomorrow when the tray in your CD player suddenly begins to leak
apple juice. Luckily it’s still under guarantee. And the apple juice will
keep for three days if refrigerated.

Lucky shampoo: Wash & Go 2-in-1.

Postage stamps from the Republic of China (1911 – 1949)

Top row: President Yuan Shikai who declared himself emperor in 1915 and then died mysteriously.

Bottom row Sun Yat-sen the ‘Father of Modern China’ who was a principled nationalist who said that his “three Principles of the People” was inspired by Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysberg Address.
Also Chiang Kai-shek who infamously lost China and fled into exile in Taiwan in 1949.

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